Helpful hints on what to do when The Force gets furloughed.
- By Michael PeckMichael Peck is an award-winning writer specializing in defense and national security issues. He holds an MA in political science from Rutgers University.
From: Imperial Office of Personnel Management (IOPM)
To: Imperial Government Workers
cc: Lord Vader
Subject: Frequently Asked Questions on Imperial Government Shutdown
As the continuing budget deadlock in the Imperial Senate enters its third week, the emergency fiscal measures instituted by Emperor Palpatine remain in effect. To guide Imperial workers through this difficult period, the IOPM has prepared this helpful list of frequently asked questions:
Q: Who is exempt from furloughs?
A: Imperial workers designated as essential will continue to report for duty as normal. Examples of essential personnel include Stormtroopers, Tie fighter pilots, and Death Star operators. Examples of non-essential personnel include Ewoks and Jar Jar Binks.
Q: When will I be able to use The Force?
A: Until the shutdown ends, use of The Force will be restricted to 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Imperial Standard Time, Monday to Friday, and shall not be used on weekends without written approval from your manager.
Q: Which Imperial facilities remain open?
A: Interrogation centers, prisons, and other Imperial recreational facilities will remain open during the shutdown. All other buildings and functions will remain closed until further notice.
Q: What if the Rebels attack during the shutdown?
A: It is currently our understanding that the Rebel Alliance has also suffered a government shutdown, due to disagreements within the Rebel Senate over tax cuts versus fighting the Empire.
Q: My clones say that just because I’m furloughed doesn’t mean that they are. What should I tell them?
A: In general, furloughs apply to both original and copied beings. But this may vary depending on the duties of specific clones. Consult your local Imperial human resources department.
Q: I have not been paid for two weeks, and creditors are harassing me. What should I do?
A: IOPM cannot provide financial advice. However, it is our experience that Imperial Star Destroyers tend to discourage debt collectors.
Q: I am a Bounty Hunter. When will I be paid for captured Rebels?
A: While Imperial forces will continue to accept captured Rebels, we regret that funding restrictions prevent us from paying bounties at this time. Bounty hunters will be issued with IOUs redeemable once the shutdown has ended.
Q: Is the Death Star exempt from the shutdown?
A: No. The Imperial Department of Justice has rendered an opinion that destroying planets does not fall within the scope of emergency operations.
Q: My neighbors tell me that as long as the Empire fails to provide services, they are not obligated to provide taxes. What should I tell them?
A: Remind them that the Imperial Revenue Service (IRS) Death Star remains operational, and always will.
Q: When will I receive back pay for my furlough time?
A: The Imperial Senate has not determined whether compensation will be offered, though Emperor Palpatine has indicated that unpaid furlough time will be considered a sign of loyalty to the Empire.
Q: Can I appeal my furlough?
A: Imperial workers who wish to dispute their furloughs will be scheduled for a personal counseling session with Lord Vader, who is eager to meet with unhappy employees.