Best Defense

The diaries of Trump’s handler (4): Ok, as instructed I put microphone in cat

As instructed, put microphone in tuna filet (not inexpensive!), fed to my cat Behemoth, and watched it swallow said device.

4218923753_be962d0014_o

 

Dear Diary,

As instructed, put microphone in tuna filet (not inexpensive!), fed to my cat Behemoth, and watched it swallow said device. For testing, I let it roam around my own Foggy Bottom neighborhood. But for some reason, Moscow’s device picked up not human voices but cat’s own thoughts!

Transcript of Behemoth, 1 May, 2017 at 13:15 hours: “Humans. Towering piles of bullshit. Think they’re so smart. Can’t even talk same language. Blah blah blah … Skinny Russian guy, all he does in complain about Trump. Sounds like Democrat.… When’s lunch? More tuna?”

I have been ideologically denounced by cat! What additional burden might Fate place upon these shoulders? I fear that cat will get me transferred to Pyongyang Station. Where she will be eaten, I am proposing.

Photo credit: Flickr

Thomas E. Ricks covered the U.S. military from 1991 to 2008 for the Wall Street Journal and then the Washington Post. He can be reached at ricksblogcomment@gmail.com.

Trending Now Sponsored Links by Taboola

By Taboola

More from Foreign Policy

By Taboola