The merits of mindless movies

Matthew Yglesias pans Alien vs. Predator, and I have every reason to believe him. Alas, a lot of Americans either disagrees or something, since it opened with a $38.3 million take this weekend — roughly 50% more than the much-praised Collateral from last week. On the other hand, AVP does have one virtue — it prompted Dalton Ross to write a really funny Entertainment Weekly story on how other sci-fi movie franchises would do pitted against one another. Alas, its subscriber only, but here’s his take on which movie is better — Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan or Star Wars, Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back:

A battle fierce enough to divide even the least partisan chat room — the two best films from the two biggest sci-fi franchises. And both are sequels, to boot. So let’s divide away. ”The Wrath of Khan” is a fantastic movie, more than making up for the disappointment that was the first ”Star Trek” feature. With his blond mullet and uncovered chest, Ricardo Montalban may look more like a member of Dokken than an intergalactic madman, but as Khan, he makes the perfect revenge-seeking lunatic to pit against the now Admiral Kirk. Yet, let’s be honest — he’s no Darth Vader. Even with his wicked brain bugs, Khan can’t match up to a dude with a lightsaber. And Kirk’s emotional reunion with his long-lost son is a nice touch, but it simply can’t compare in the family-subplot department to Luke Skywalker sucking face…with his own sister! Pretty much everything in ”Empire” is operating on a different level. The battle on Hoth, the introduction of both Yoda and Boba Fett (at least before George Lucas went back and gratuitously inserted the bounty hunter into ”Episode IV”), Luke’s duel with Darth — it’s what has made ”Empire” the standard by which not only other ”Star Wars” flicks but all science-fiction films are judged. One area in which ”Trek” trumps its rival: the emotional Spock death scene (and not just emotional because it leaves Kirstie Alley as the only Vulcan — yikes!). It’s a bold move, killing off one of your franchise’s most beloved characters, even if you do cheat and bring him back one picture later (a trick ”SW” also pulled with Obi-Wan Kenobi). It makes the contest closer, but even a scruffy nerf herder could tell you who wins this battle. Winner: “Empire”

Let the great geek debate commence! UPDATE: The Associated Press suggests why Alien vs. Predator will not be raking in a lot more bucks:

Audiences shelled out $16.8 million to see Alien Vs. Predator on Friday, but the movie’s gross fell to $12.5 million Saturday, a steep 26 per cent decline. Most new movies do better business on Saturday than Friday. That’s a sign that Alien Vs. Predator could follow the pattern of Freddy Vs. Jason and other horror tales, which tend to open well then plunge in subsequent weekends.

LAST UPDATE: David Edelstein has a paean to “versus” movies in his review of AVP in Slate:

Thirty-odd years ago, along with many prepubescent horror fans of the ’60s, I also stayed up past midnight to see Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman, in which Frankenstein (or, to be a geek about it, his monster) did not actually meet the Wolfman until the last five minutes, whereupon both were promptly swept away by a pathetic miniature exploding dam. I risked a barrage of peashooters to line up to watch King Kong square off against Godzilla and Godzilla square off against, well, anything. I suffered through Dracula vs. Frankenstein, an unbelievably tawdry Al Adamson film cobbled together from spare Z-picture pieces, in which Dracula (or the curly haired, goateed dork who passed for him) pulled the giant Play-Doh Frankenstein monster apart limb from limb. And, of course, I savored every stupid minute of last summer’s Freddy vs. Jason, which set a world record for arterial spray and still couldn’t manage to avoid a cheat ending. (No one really won—no one ever really does.) The appeal of the “versus” genre is no mystery. It’s the same as Celebrity Death Match: We want the baddest cats to be humbled. We want the World Series of baddest cats.