The Volkswagen Passat versus rational choice theory

A political science colleague who shall remain nameless e-mailed me the following amusing rant:

Why VW Debunks everything I ever learned in Political Science I’ve been thinking a lot about my VW Passat today. Actually, I’ve been fantasizing about life without it. To call the car a lemon does not begin to convey the vitriol I feel toward this souped-up-galopy and the devil company that spawned it. Three years old with just 24,000 miles on it, the car has suffered from a major and chronic oil leak (at one point, an indicator light went on that read — and I’m not kidding — “stop immediately!”), a dead battery, faulty wiring to all of the front lights (a $900 problem that went undiagnosed despite 3, count them, 3 trips to the dealer to replace burned out running lights and pleas to check the wiring), a broken cigarette lighter/cell phone charger, a broken rear washer sprayer, and my favorite: trim around the doors that magically came unglued on both sides of the car, so that you had to navigate an upholstered noose hanging down from the top of the door to climb inside. As I sat in my dead car today, waiting for a replacement battery to be installed, I got to thinking about what my experience with VW says about political science. Here’s what I learned:

1. People are not rational actors. Today, I spent an extra hour getting my corner gas station to send a guy to VW, pick up a battery, bring it back, and then install it just so I wouldn’t give VW any more “labor” fees for a car that shouldn’t be broken in the first place. Yeah, yeah you could say my behavior was rational given my utility function (hatred toward VW runs deep), but the point is I was willing to tolerate incredible inefficiency for a wildly ridiculous and fleeting feeling of petty satisfaction. 2. Statistics don’t mean s*** if you’re the outlier. I did my research. Consumer Reports rated the 2001 Passat high in reliability. In fact, reliability was one of the big factors that pushed me to buy it over a Volvo. What I didn’t know was that someone was smoking something they shouldn’t have been when my particular Passat came down the assembly line. 3. Conspiracy theories are true. Incompetence alone cannot explain the knuckle-headed service I have gotten from this company. Once, a “service advisor” lost — LOST — my car for 3 days. The corporate 1-800 VW “consumer advocate” I called yesterday was able only to advocate that I try a different dealer. When I asked him which one, the reply came with a straight face: “M’am, we cannot recommend one dealer over another. I guess you’ll have to do trial and error.” My VW service manager, a very nice man named Willie, admitted that my car has had a major oil leak for three years, but still said he couldn’t actually diagnose the problem –let alone fix it — until I brought the car back after driving exactly 1,000 miles once VW had changed my oil. Apparently, my own tracking of the vanishing oil, and the one emergency visit I made, when the car needed 3 quarts of oil and the VW service guy told me,” Man, your car was so dry you could have fried the whole engine, Lady!” weren’t enough. Yesterday, I even emailed the head of corporate communications for VW of America in a desperate last plea for help. (Most other VW executives don’t even list their contact information on the internet). His name is Steve Keyes. I didn’t hear back. Then I realized why: Somewhere in Germany, in an underground bunker with escape pods, laser-beam defensive systems, and one of those retractable ceilings, a secret group of men and women is meeting. Stroking their furry, one-eyed albino cats, these Titans of Automotive Misery are busy devising evil new paperwork requirements and fake toll free consumer advocate lines to keep VW employees everywhere from fixing station wagons in the United States.

My rational, detached conclusion is that Lesson #2 is the causal factor behind Lessons #1 and #3. Furthermore, in this case, I doubt Consumer Reports developed their rating using statistical analysis, and I’d speculate that they may have screwed up their ranking of the Passat — this is not the first rant I’ve heard against that car. Of course, ask me about my experiences with Continental Airlines and all my rationality will just fade away…. I highly recommend reading this in tandem with Maria Farrell’s jeremiad against statistics requirements over at Crooked Timber. However, be sure to then check out Kieran Healy’s witty addendum. UPDATE: A note of clarification after reading some of the comments — I’m not the one who owns a Passat. The Drezner family modes of transportation were made by Toyota and Saturn.