My eyes…. my eyes!!!

I may never forgive Greg Djerejian for pointing me to this Alex Beam article in the Sunday Boston Globe about what happens when policy wonks stop writing position papers and start write novels with… shudder… sex scenes.

Former Kennedy School dean Joseph Nye usually writes the kind of books discussed earnestly at policy forums and perused by index-skimming colleagues killing time at university bookstores. But no more! In his just-published novel, “The Power Game” (“a taut but sensitive political thriller” — Tina Brown), Nye reaches out for a whole new audience. Here protagonist Peter Cutler, the proverbial “high State Department official,” engages in some ill-advised personal diplomacy with the alluring Alexa Byrnes, herself a policy playa at the Department of Defense. Cutler is married, albeit not to Ms. Byrnes: Alexa led me to the bed in the middle of the enormous room and pulled me down beside her. I kissed her breasts and ran my hand between her thighs. She gripped my shoulders tightly. Unlike the first time I made love to Alexa, when the ecstasy had been eroded by a sense of anxiety and uncertainty, I was sucked into this moment as quickly and completely as if I had placed my feet in quicksand. Memories from years ago blended with intense physical excitement in a driving, pounding torrent of passion. In his new role as Robert Ludlum manque, Nye joins a long list of policy wonks looking for readers beyond the Beltway and the faculty lounge.

Insert your own joke about hard and soft power here — and let me just add that I can’t believe Ana Marie Cox hasn’t taken this excerpt and done unspeakable things to it yet. Other writers that appear in Beam’s story include Gary Hart, William Cohen, Richard Perle, and Lynne Cheney. Go check it out and report back on who has the gift for smut (my vote is for Cheney). [Oh, like you could do better?–ed. Someone would have to pay me an obscene advance for that to happen. And besides, if I did choose to write such a passage, it would be much more salacious to couch it in the language of international relations theory:

Diane had longed to bandwagon with Jack since their first year in grad school. In their own prisoner’s dilemma, she now knew that she wanted more than just tit-for-tat — she had to have Jack’s grim trigger. This wasn’t just a one-shot interaction for her. She wanted repeated play — and although she would never say this out loud, she sensed that Jack had a very long shadow of the future. It was taboo as a realist not to prefer balancing. If word got out, her reputation among the guns & bombs crowd would be ruined. But Jack’s social constructivism was too seductive for her feeble rationalist defenses. “Oh… Jack,” she whispered into his ear, “I give in — reconstitute my identity!” He smiled and slowly began his discourse…. Afterwards, she turned to him and purred, “Now that’s what I call utility maximization.” He laughed. Then her tone changed. “Seriously, I’ve never had such a shared meaning with anyone before. It was so…. intersubjective.”

Ewww!!–ed. Exactly my point.] UPDATE: Drezner gets results from Wonkette! [Completely Platonic results!!–ed.]