Drezner’s iron laws of high school reunions
Your humble blogger attended his twentieth — yes, I said twentieth — high school reunion over the Thanksgiving break. Using some of the fancy-pants Ph.D.-level training I’ve picked up since my high school days, here are some tips for future reunion attendees that might be helpful: 1) Physically and emotionally, the men will have changed ...
Your humble blogger attended his twentieth -- yes, I said twentieth -- high school reunion over the Thanksgiving break. Using some of the fancy-pants Ph.D.-level training I've picked up since my high school days, here are some tips for future reunion attendees that might be helpful: 1) Physically and emotionally, the men will have changed much more than the women. This is mostly physiology -- boys mature later, and are the ones who go bald. Plus, if they're very, very lucky, the men will also meet someone who can dress them better than when they were in high school. 2) If you have children, you will save yourself and everyone else a lot of time if you laminate some picture(s) of your offspring and staple them to your forehead. 3) That person you had a crush on in tenth grade? They're still going to look good. 4) Someone will be out of the closet -- with a 50% chance that that person was in your homecoming court (note to Generation Y: this will be reversed for all y'all -- someone who came out in high school will be in a heterosexual marriage, with two kids and a house in Schenectady). 5) WARNING: you will drink more at these functions than you probably should. 6) There will always be at least one woman who has given birth to many children in recent years but look like they could do a guest-hosting stint on E!'s Wild On series. 7) At any point during the reunion, you will observe a large number of women congregating near the bathroom, whispering to each other and giggling every five seconds. 8) Someone's going to bring their high school yearbook. 9) The food will leave something to be desired. 10) Unless he or she attended your high school, under no circumstances should you subject your spouse to this function. [Against the Geneva Conventions?--ed. Only if you think boring someone to death is a form of torture.] As a public servive, readers are hereby requested to suggest their own covering laws. UPDATE: James Joyner weighs in: "Women, much more than men, still define themselves by who they were in high school. Possible exceptions include men who were star athletes or otherwise peaked as teenagers." Hmmm... I wonder if this applies to math team captains.....
Your humble blogger attended his twentieth — yes, I said twentieth — high school reunion over the Thanksgiving break. Using some of the fancy-pants Ph.D.-level training I’ve picked up since my high school days, here are some tips for future reunion attendees that might be helpful:
1) Physically and emotionally, the men will have changed much more than the women. This is mostly physiology — boys mature later, and are the ones who go bald. Plus, if they’re very, very lucky, the men will also meet someone who can dress them better than when they were in high school. 2) If you have children, you will save yourself and everyone else a lot of time if you laminate some picture(s) of your offspring and staple them to your forehead. 3) That person you had a crush on in tenth grade? They’re still going to look good. 4) Someone will be out of the closet — with a 50% chance that that person was in your homecoming court (note to Generation Y: this will be reversed for all y’all — someone who came out in high school will be in a heterosexual marriage, with two kids and a house in Schenectady). 5) WARNING: you will drink more at these functions than you probably should. 6) There will always be at least one woman who has given birth to many children in recent years but look like they could do a guest-hosting stint on E!’s Wild On series. 7) At any point during the reunion, you will observe a large number of women congregating near the bathroom, whispering to each other and giggling every five seconds. 8) Someone’s going to bring their high school yearbook. 9) The food will leave something to be desired. 10) Unless he or she attended your high school, under no circumstances should you subject your spouse to this function. [Against the Geneva Conventions?–ed. Only if you think boring someone to death is a form of torture.]
As a public servive, readers are hereby requested to suggest their own covering laws. UPDATE: James Joyner weighs in: “Women, much more than men, still define themselves by who they were in high school. Possible exceptions include men who were star athletes or otherwise peaked as teenagers.” Hmmm… I wonder if this applies to math team captains…..
Daniel W. Drezner is a professor of international politics at the Fletcher School of Law and Diplomacy at Tufts University and co-host of the Space the Nation podcast. Twitter: @dandrezner
More from Foreign Policy
Saudi-Iranian Détente Is a Wake-Up Call for America
The peace plan is a big deal—and it’s no accident that China brokered it.
The U.S.-Israel Relationship No Longer Makes Sense
If Israel and its supporters want the country to continue receiving U.S. largesse, they will need to come up with a new narrative.
Putin Is Trapped in the Sunk-Cost Fallacy of War
Moscow is grasping for meaning in a meaningless invasion.
How China’s Saudi-Iran Deal Can Serve U.S. Interests
And why there’s less to Beijing’s diplomatic breakthrough than meets the eye.
Sign up for Morning Brief
Foreign Policy’s flagship daily newsletter with what’s coming up around the world today. Delivered weekdays.
By submitting your email, you agree to the Privacy Policy and Terms of Use and to receive email correspondence from us. You may opt out at any time.
