Get over it Dan

Poor Dan Drezner. He read my take on the Commerce Department and broke out in the world’s first recorded case of commercial diplomacy envy.

In his post, he seemed tormented by the fact — in his view — that some people enter the Commerce Department as "foreign policy middle weights and leave as heavyweights" going on to suggest that it was time at the Commerce Department that enabled those alumni to get big book deals, speakers fees, and plum academic jobs. Where do I begin?

Well, I hate to go here (as any reader of this blog knows), but let’s start with the facts. Dan has it backwards. Political appointees with promising careers enter Commerce and are never heard from again. The CIA should send people to Commerce to be stripped of their visibility but agents would rather risk retaliatory water boarding in Waziristan or ebola in Congo than work on 14th Street.

As for entering Commerce a middleweight and leaving a heavyweight, I’ve eaten in the Commerce cafeteria and I just don’t think it’s possible. In fact, they should seriously consider turning it into a spa. Oprah could drop by once on her way to the White House and immediately fire her battalion of personal trainers. No, let’s be honest here. Obviously, Dan is specifically referring to the likes of Jeff Garten, who happens to be my business partner, one of the very best guys I have ever met, who actually did leave Commerce to become the Dean of the Yale School of Management and a hugely respected commentator. Oh, and possibly me (though Dan would have only added me into the mix to demonstrate his well-known sense of humor). Jeff was truly a heavyweight going in and I think he ended up at Commerce because he has a notoriously bad sense of direction. And to the extent I left Commerce as more of heavyweight than I was when I entered, it is largely for metabolic reasons.

My point is this: I like Dan Drezner. He is a fine guy, a blogging pioneer, a sharp-eyed analyst, he likes Jessica Alba (what’s not to like?) and his only apparent flaw is rooting for the Red Sox who are a blight to humanity akin to a disfiguring skin disease.

So let me implore you, Dan. Becoming Deputy Assistant Secretary of Commerce for Self-Destructive Trade Policies (or whatever the new plum postings will be called) is not a good career move. However, if you insist, I know some people. I could probably help you get an interview if you truly want to move over to the House that Herbert Hoover Built (the only Commerce Secretary to become president, please hold your applause.) But don’t do it, Dan. The place you are most likely to see the faces of most ex-Commerce officials is on a milk carton.