Foreign policy speed dating

Today, President Obama is following in the footsteps of great American diplomats like Steve Carell, Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd, and Romany Malco. Our 47-year-old foreign policy virgin, like those who went before him cinematically, is experiencing the exhilaration, high highs, low lows and comedy (intentional and otherwise) of speed dating. In Obama’s case, this first full day in London for the G20 Summit has produced a round of diplomatic hooking up with…

Gordon Brown

With whom Obama had a very public, rather hard-to-watch quickie in Washington not too long ago. While perhaps not quite as awkward as movie speed-dater Paul Rudd’s desperate attempt to fix his battered relationship with old flame Amy (the incomparable Mindy Kaling), like Rudd, Brown had a lot riding on this meeting turning out better than the last one between the two. According to reports, it did, with the two of them providing the media highlight of the morning with a question and answer session with the press. During the session, the two said that they were highly compatible, enjoyed long-walks on the beach and wanted to turn what Obama called “a sense of urgency” into “working alongside the United Kingdom in doing whatever it takes to stimulate growth.”

Dmitry “Call me Gina” Medvedev

This meeting was probably the diplomatic high point of the day. With an outcome that involved an invitation to go back to Dmitry’s place this coming July, they also agreed to see whether they could reach an agreement on missile defense and trimming back their nuclear weapons to mutually acceptable levels. It is easy to imagine the exchange:  

Gina…er…Dmitry: “You’re a good lookin’ man.”
Barack: “Thank you.”
Dmitry: “Very pretty. Real soft, delicate features. They’re real feminine, you know, which is good for me, because that would be a simple sort of transition. You know what I’m saying? Maybe throw a little rouge on you… maybe tuck back your SAC (Strategic Air Command)?

O.K. Maybe it wasn’t exactly like it was in The 40 Year Old Virgin but I’m working a metaphor here and you have to bear with me. And it does capture some of the hopeful innocence and yet manipulative desire that no doubt infused the scene as Medvedev sought a brand new type of relationship with the United States — one in which he felt he might be able to take advantage of the man across the table’s eagerness to strike a deal, an eagerness that might lead this president, given our circumstances, to consider the kind of partnership between the two countries his predecessors might have ruled out. 

Hu Jintao 

By this point, Obama’s charm offensive was producing impressive results, with the two leaders exchanging digits to ensure an on-going Strategic Economic Dialogue and cooperation on North Korea and Iran. And because Obama neatly sidestepped a discussion about human rights (which is just never appropriate for a couple’s first meeting), tabling it for a future date, he got another invitation: the chance to visit Hu’s Forbidden City sometime later this year.

Queen Elizabeth

This was a threesome, joined by wife Michelle, who has spent the day dazzling London. Obama indicated how enthusiastic he was about the meeting earlier in the day at the press conference with Brown when he said, “There’s one last thing that I should mention that I love about Great Britain, and that is the Queen.” And who doesn’t really? Although Obama did add an element of decorum to his public statement of love for the monarch when he added, “I think in the imagination of people throughout America, I think what the Queen stands for and her decency and her civility, what she represents, that’s very important.” He showed her what she meant to him by giving her an iPod that had on it video and pictures from her last visit to the U.S. and one can only imagine what else. A special playlist is always a nice gift. Anyway, it’s a technological cut above the DVDs Obama left Brown with on the PM’s walk of shame away from their DC meeting a couple weeks ago.

Then, tonight, a romantic dinner catered by celebrity chef Jamie Oliver. All in all a perfect, love filled “Date-a-Palooza” for Obama, aside from the screaming mobs in the streets outside.

VLADIMIR RODIONOV/AFP/Getty Images