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Should we start planning for the Texas Republic?

Here at FP, we don’t always pay much attention to U.S. domestic policy, obviously, and the tax-day tea parties confused us a bit. Why weren’t the protesters dressed up as Native Americans (like in the Boston Tea Party) or Mad Hatters? Weren’t top-bracket taxes higher under Reagan? Regardless, we’ve glommed onto a U.S. domestic issue ...

By Annie Lowrey

April 16, 2009, 4:26 PM

Here at FP, we don’t always pay much attention to U.S. domestic policy, obviously, and the tax-day tea parties confused us a bit. Why weren’t the protesters dressed up as Native Americans (like in the Boston Tea Party) or Mad Hatters? Weren’t top-bracket taxes higher under Reagan?

Regardless, we’ve glommed onto a U.S. domestic issue which suggests a foreign-policy disaster: the U.S. state of Texas threatening to secede. Texas Governor Rick Perry, angered, like the tea-bag-partiers, over Obama’s spending and tax policies, has implied that Texas might leave the Union.

So what would Texas look like as a foreign country?

It would be the world’s thirteenth largest economy — bigger than South Korea, Sweden, and Saudi Arabia. But its worth would crater precipitously, after NAFTA rejected it and the United States slapped it with an embargo that would make Cuba look like a free-trade zone. Indeed, Texas would quick become the next North Korea, relying on foreign aid due to its insistence on relying on itself.

On the foreign policy front, a seceded Texas would suffer for deserting the world superpower. Obama wouldn’t look kindly on secessionists, and would send in the military to tamp down rebellion. If Texas miraculously managed to hold its borders, Obama would not establish relations with the country — though he might send a special rapporteur. (We nominate Kinky Friedman.)

So, Texas would need to court Mexico and Central American nations as a trading partners and protectors. Those very nations would also pose a host of problems for Texas. President Perry might find friends in anti-U.S. nations like Venezuela and Cuba, but their socialist politics would rankle the libertarian nation.

And Texas would become a conduit for drugs moving north to the United States from Mexico, maybe even becoming a narco-state. It would need to invest heavily in its own military and policing force to stop drug violence within its borders — taking away valuable resources from, oh, feeding its people, fending off U.S. border incursions, and improving its standing in the world.

In short: the state of Texas would rapidly become direly impoverished, would need to be heavily armed, and would be wracked with existential domestic and foreign policy threats. It would probably make our failed states list in short order. Probably better to pay the damn taxes.

And of course — Texas isn’t seceding. Only regions in civil war or self-governing areas in very weak states manage independence. Perry was floating a piece of asinine political rhetoric, running a heated race against fellow Republican Kay Bailey Hutchinson and courting small-government conservatives of all stripes. Plus, more importantly, Texas can’t secede, according to the 1869 Supreme Court Case, Texas v. White. Ah well.

IMPORTANT UPDATE: Chuck Norris has offered to be President of Texas, greatly reducing the possible internal threat of unionists or external threat of U.S. military forces to the seceded country. (H/t Ezra Klein.)

Photo: Flickr user Susan E. Gray

Annie Lowrey is assistant editor at FP.