The Best Defense contest: What should Hillary say to AIPAC?

We have a winner. Agree with it or not, this entry captures the historical moment, I think. Whatever the Secretary of State says, I think this is what Israel will hear.

We like you, we really do. We’re just not into you so much anymore. I mean, you have a warm place in our hearts, but let’s face it, so does Canada. Those of us who were around when you were born have mostly died off; the rest of us really don’t know what the big attraction is.

Oh, it’s not anything you’ve done lately that’s alienated us. You and the Palestinians have been antagonizing each other for as long as anyone can remember. Neither of you can get past your various historical grievances with each other. And no matter how much we try to help you patch things up, something always goes awry and we’re right back to where we started. Meanwhile, our other friends (yes, we have other friends) continue to get annoyed, anxious, indignant — take your pick — just because we’re getting involved in your conflicts in the first place.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all your fault. We’ve created enough of our own bad blood with some of your neighbors. But, it’s weird, your intransigence seems to reflect on us. Yes, the Palestinians are crazy and inept but their insanity and incompetence don’t reflect on any of their friends. It’s not fair, but there it is.

Listen, I know this may be difficult to hear, but I think we should see other countries for a while. Hey, consider how much freer you will be. Want to build settlements in East Jerusalem? Go for it! Invade Gaza? Be our guest! Evict Palestinians from the West Bank? Knock yourselves out!

We’ll stay on the sidelines — no — in the bleachers, and sit quietly. Occasionally we’ll tsk tsk about the continuing violence and wish that the affected parties can someday get along. Oh, and the three billion we give you every year? Uh, we could really use that right now. We hope you understand.

Also understand, we’re still your friend, OK? We’re just not going steady anymore.

"JP1954," send me an e-mail (click on the "e mail" box above my little ‘Meet the Press’ photo on the right) and tell me whether you want a signed copy of one of my books, or Clay Blair’s Forgotten War. And tell me where to send it.