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According to a recent survey, Atlantis is about to overtake Europe on the list of the most desirable continents on which to do business. The survey was conducted among leading astrologers, Trekkies, economists, central bankers and other groups who wear tinfoil hats to keep aliens and the CIA from stealing their brain waves.

The survey cited the conclusions of a Greek analyst named Plato who suggested that the merits of Atlantis included the fact that it was "larger than Libya and Asia together," in "the fullest and truest sense a continent" led by a "confederation of kings," and a "great and marvelous power." Plato noted that a colleague of his named Critias had once attacked Atlantis as being the antithesis of the "perfect society" found in Greece … but suggested that given recent events in Greece this might actually be seen as a good thing.

Unlike Spain, for example, which is currently experiencing a real estate bubble, Atlantis was wholly owned by the God Poseidon and therefore didn’t run the risks associated with the bubble bursting. Indeed, residents of Atlantis have had over 11,000 years to get used to their landholdings … and their economy … being underwater, whereas Europeans were just having to learn how to cope with such conditions.

Poseidon’s family, led by his son Atlas to whom he bequeathed the island and after whom the big ocean around it was named, did a good job developing the place … building canals, bridges, carved tunnels, moats, and walls of red, white, and black rock that were covered with precious metals. What’s more, they developed all this infrastructure without the benefit of any loan packages from major European banks (who have been secretly coming to Atlanteans for advice about how to operate while submerged for several years now).  

The Atlanteans even conquered Libya more swiftly and effectively than did the recent European effort to do so.

Those surveyed noted that while Plato’s account was viewed suspiciously given his Greek roots and the possibility that he was simply a tool of anti-Papandreou agitators, others had similarly cited the virtues of Atlantis. These ranged from Hellanicus of Lesbos to Cantor, Proclus, Philo, Cosmas Indicopleustes, Francis Bacon, and even several Germans, which was comforting to markets although one of them was Heinrich Himmler (who once tried to organize a search for the place, apparently drawn to it for its sound monetary policy and rumors that its inhabitants were of Nordic origin).

Anti-Atlantis skeptics from Standard & Poor’s and Moody’s have argued that since they haven’t rated the continent’s credit, it shouldn’t be compared with other continents whose existence they have confirmed.  But given the fact that they have been so wrong about so much recently, this critique has also, as it happened, worked in Atlantis’ favor. Madame Blavatsky has also argued that the Atlanteans were cultural leaders, thus giving them an edge even in an area in which Europe has asserted its leadership — mostly at gunpoint — for centuries.

Finally, of course, the recent groundswell of support for Atlantis (and no place appreciates a groundswell more than them according to reliable sources) has been accompanied by deepening concerns about Europe linked to the paralysis of its leaders, the failure of the ECB to act, the inability of the international community to do more than put together actions like yesterday’s feeble pumping of liquidity (the Five Hour Energy of markets), and the failure of anyone to accept the obvious: that, in the end, the ECB mandate needs to change, the central bank will need to print money, Europe will have to accept fiscal union in some form, and governments in Italy, Greece, Spain, Portugal, and France will need to simultaneously get their acts together while China and the U.S. manage to keep growing fast enough to help pull these European countries out of their crisis.

Which is why, according to those surveyed, the prospects for Atlantis’ further elevation above Europe are so good … even if recent events have demonstrated that most European leaders and economists are so completely and utterly all wet that they may as well actually be from the now-submerged (but comparatively attractive) continent of Plato’s imagination.