Dear America: Read this before heading north

In the aftermath of the U.S. Supreme Court’s landmark ruling upholding President Obama’s sweeping health care reform package, there have been some rumblings around the Twitterverse about a movement to emigrate to Canada.

As one such Tweeter put it:

#SCOTUS holds up free healthcare for everyone?! Screw this commie country, I’m moving to #Canada #whoswithme.

Apparently Canada’s alleged death panels — frequently featured in right wing rhetoric during the debate surrounding the passage of the health care bill in 2009 — were not a factor in the decision to relocate.

As a citizen of Canada, I feel it is my duty to clarify some points before a wave of disgruntled anti-Obamacare immigrants arrives at the border

Canada has one of the most comprehensive single-payer public healthcare systems in the world. Everyone is covered, and there is no opt-out option. In the higher tax brackets, we pay nearly 50 percent of earnings in income tax in order to fund health care and other social services.

So, consider yourself warned: If you move to Canada, you will be heavily taxed. Then we will pay for your doctor’s appointments. We will heavily subsidize your medications. We will cover your chemotherapy. We will stuff you with poutine and then pay for your coronary bypass.  

The poutine, however, is on you, unless you qualify for our welfare system. In which case, we’ll cover that too.