Time for another round of hypothetical holiday gifts

I’ve finished my holiday shopping (at last), which means it’s time for another round of hypothetical gift-giving for some important world leaders and political figures. If it were in my power, here’s what I’d be sending some notables this year.

1. For Barack Obama: A dartboard. No, not so he can pin a picture of John Boehner on it, but so he can make some hard choices about his second-term priorities. Energy independence? Gun control? Rebuilding infrastructure? Middle East peace? A real negotiation with Iran? Climate change? Tax reform? The list is endless. Obama tried to do way too much during the first year of his first term, and I’m hoping he’s learned his lesson and will focus more in the second term. Maybe a dartboard can help. 

2. For Syrian tyrant Bashar al Assad: A one-pound bag of Arabian coffee to wake up and smell. Or better still: a one-way ticket for himself and his immediate family to anywhere they want. As an added bonus, a recording of this classic song. Just go. Now.

3. For Dick Morris, Karl Rove, and all the other people who called the election for Romney: A copy of Nate Silver’s The Signal and the Noise. Because it’s never too late to learn.

4. For defeated GOP Presidential candidate Mitt Romney: Nothing. You’ve got five houses, a fleet of cars and boats, and a loving family. What could I possibly give you except my vote (and I’m afraid it’s too late for that)?

5. For the people of America, and especially its children: A ban on assault weapons, and a Congressional resolution declaring that all the 2^nd amendment guarantees is the right to keep a muzzle-loading musket.

6. For Benjamin Netanyahu: A signed copy of Peter Beinart’s The Crisis of Zionism. And a mirror.

7. For Hillary Rodham Clinton: A one-year membership in the spa of her choice, and a book contract that takes until 2017 to complete.

8. For the Republican Party: A roundtrip ticket to see the Wizard of Oz. Because the party desperately needs a heart, a brain, courage, and a way to get back home to its true conservative roots.

9. For the beleaguered people of the eastern Congo: A miracle. Because it appears that is what it will take to end their suffering.

10. For my readers: My thanks for continuing to engage with this blog (and now @StephenWalt on twitter). I wish you all a joyful holiday season, the warmth of love from friends and family, and a New Year that turns out better than realists normally expect. I’ll be back online after Xmas.