Best Defense

Thomas E. Ricks' daily take on national security.

The diaries of Trump’s handler (4): Ok, as instructed I put microphone in cat

As instructed, put microphone in tuna filet (not inexpensive!), fed to my cat Behemoth, and watched it swallow said device.

4218923753_be962d0014_o
4218923753_be962d0014_o

 

Dear Diary,

As instructed, put microphone in tuna filet (not inexpensive!), fed to my cat Behemoth, and watched it swallow said device. For testing, I let it roam around my own Foggy Bottom neighborhood. But for some reason, Moscow’s device picked up not human voices but cat’s own thoughts!

 

Dear Diary,

As instructed, put microphone in tuna filet (not inexpensive!), fed to my cat Behemoth, and watched it swallow said device. For testing, I let it roam around my own Foggy Bottom neighborhood. But for some reason, Moscow’s device picked up not human voices but cat’s own thoughts!

Transcript of Behemoth, 1 May, 2017 at 13:15 hours: “Humans. Towering piles of bullshit. Think they’re so smart. Can’t even talk same language. Blah blah blah … Skinny Russian guy, all he does in complain about Trump. Sounds like Democrat.… When’s lunch? More tuna?”

I have been ideologically denounced by cat! What additional burden might Fate place upon these shoulders? I fear that cat will get me transferred to Pyongyang Station. Where she will be eaten, I am proposing.

Photo credit: Flickr

Thomas E. Ricks covered the U.S. military from 1991 to 2008 for the Wall Street Journal and then the Washington Post. He can be reached at ricksblogcomment@gmail.com. Twitter: @tomricks1

More from Foreign Policy

A Panzerhaubitze 2000 tank howitzer fires during a mission in Ukraine’s Donetsk region.
A Panzerhaubitze 2000 tank howitzer fires during a mission in Ukraine’s Donetsk region.

Lessons for the Next War

Twelve experts weigh in on how to prevent, deter, and—if necessary—fight the next conflict.

An illustration showing a torn Russian flag and Russian President Vladimir Putin.
An illustration showing a torn Russian flag and Russian President Vladimir Putin.

It’s High Time to Prepare for Russia’s Collapse

Not planning for the possibility of disintegration betrays a dangerous lack of imagination.

An unexploded tail section of a cluster bomb is seen in Ukraine.
An unexploded tail section of a cluster bomb is seen in Ukraine.

Turkey Is Sending Cold War-Era Cluster Bombs to Ukraine

The artillery-fired cluster munitions could be lethal to Russian troops—and Ukrainian civilians.

A joint session of Congress meets to count the Electoral College vote from the 2008 presidential election the House Chamber in the U.S. Capitol  January 8, 2009 in Washington.
A joint session of Congress meets to count the Electoral College vote from the 2008 presidential election the House Chamber in the U.S. Capitol January 8, 2009 in Washington.

Congrats, You’re a Member of Congress. Now Listen Up.

Some brief foreign-policy advice for the newest members of the U.S. legislature.